Then, in January 2011, my much loved husband suffered a violent psychosis and took his own life, by hanging, in front of me.
If you really want to read the whole story… strap in, and start with this post. Then just keep clicking ‘Newer Post’, right down the bottom of the page, until things start to look normal again… it may take a while.
If that’s too much effort- I totally get it, don’t worry, most of those posts are tagged as either ‘This Is F*cked‘ or ‘The After‘. And then I’ve added ‘Begin Again‘ and ‘Life But Not As We Know It‘.. because, eventually, I have to.
I blogged, in detail and to much criticism, about the afternoon my husband hung himself, his time in the ICU, and the horrible balance between sane men and violent suicide that seems to float unseen and unspoken about.
If you want to know why I blogged all those things… I guess this post explains it best. And if you’re wondering how I’m allowed to write all this given the mental health guidelines in the Australian media, I’ve discussed that one with MindFrame, and blogged about that, too.
I blogged the speech I made at my husbands funeral. If you read nothing else here, please, read that.
I write a lot about post traumatic stress disorder and grief., and I’ve blogged about workplace bullying in the Australian Public Service and I’ve chronicled my own experience with our mental health crisis system.
If you- like me- happen to suffer from debilitating, painful anxiety and panic attacks… please read this post. I wrote it for you. And if you’ve ever had the thought “People would be better off without me”, please read this… I can prove you wrong.
Like this place, or hate it, I’m not really fussed. Take what you will from it, what’s helpful and what’s not. I’m certainly no expert, and I don’t have all the answers. In fact, I don’t have any of the answers. If I did, my husband might still be here.
But read, if you like. It’s my truth, and I’m not ashamed of it, or afraid to share it. Take what I said, in my speech at Tony’s funeral. Please. Read it, and take it to heart.
Us people, we talk so much about nothing. There is too much silence surrounding mental illness in the world.
America- National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, 1-800-273-TALK (8255).
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