SuperHeroes

I may or not be Internet dating again.

Why? Because I am a glutton for punishment. Obviously.

Those of you who worry for me will be relieved to know that’s it a bit… different, this time around. I’ve been burnt and hurt, and that makes you cautious. But, hell, I’ve also shed a skin and had to upload a batch of new, pixie cut photos to the dating site. And that makes me different too.

In a strange kind of oxymoron, I’m not taking anything at all- internet dating included- quite so seriously this time around. But in the same breath, I’m being pickier than I was last time around (you don’t need to sleep with every man who wants to, Lori- just because someone asks you something doesn’t mean the answer is ‘yes’), and that’s proving to be a lot more fun. I’m sure that revelation will be much to dismay of the man with the evidently very small penis who went on a Twitter rant after I posted this guide on Internet Dating- What Not To Do; stating that if I ‘wanted a husband’ (not particularly) I should ‘compromise’ and ‘lower my standards’. Douche. (There were, to my dismay, quite a few blokes who were less than happy with that post. I apologise, gentlemen, I didn’t mean to offend. It’s not you, it’s me. If I were dating women I’d whinge just as much, but probably about different things.)

As I said, I’m having fun. More fun than last time I played this game- and let's keep in mind, online dating is a game. I’ve actually found myself a litmus test- a question that doesn’t definitively define whether things go beyond the inevitably seedy online dating site to become text, which becomes a phone call and then, maybe, a date; but it certainly helps weed out the men who just aren’t going to make me laugh. And that is a constant for me- you make me laugh, I’m yours.

With that in mind, I’ve taken to asking…

Who’s your favorite superhero?

Simple and childish, I know. And don’t get me wrong (crazy woman), I don’t go running around messaging people randomly with “Hi! I’m Lori! Who’s your favorite superhero!?” But after a bit of back and forth banter, I don’t think that’s an unacceptable question. And the response really does tell you an awful lot about a person.

Some men are- probably quite understandably- baffled by the question. “What do you mean?” and “Why do you ask?” are answers that just don’t suit me. Not that there’s anything wrong with either of those responses, really. But I believe life, and people in particular, are all about the little things. The finer details of whose your favorite superhero, what’s your favorite song right now and whether you prefer peanut butter or Vegemite are just as vital to who you are as your job, your age or where you live. None of those are discriminating factors either- but if you can’t understand why I’m asking, I don’t think you’ll get where I’m at. And I doubt you'll make me giggle.

Likewise, if the answer is “I don’t have a favorite superhero. Allow me to brush off that question and return to chatting about mundane things like work and food”- or something to that effect- well… that tells me that this person is probably not going to be a lot of fun. That simple. It would take some really sparkling conversation to change my mind after an answer like that… and I haven’t found it happen yet.

Happily, most guys answer my question with good humor. The most common answer, in case you’re wondering, is Batman. There has yet to be a Superman. Bonus points go to blokes who answer with any of the X-Men. Because if I were a superhero, I’d be Rogue.

From FanPop. And I don't care what you say, Anna is way better than cartoon Rogue and her bad hair that needs a to be hit with a straightener.

I loved her since I was a kid, and I still love her now. For no other reason than she rocks that grey streak. And I may need to emulate that cool at some point in the near future. (Nothing to do with the way she can’t touch people because she hurts them Really.) 

And Lori Rogue. Or something. Heh.

And that’s what I answer, on the rare occurrence that someone actually asks me the question in return. That, by the way, is still my main complaint… conversation is an art form, true. But the basics are question-answer-response-question, rinse and repeat. Most men leave out the 'question' part altogether. It’s difficult, trying to carry on a one sided conversation, especially through a screen. Most of the time, I don’t bother.

Anyway. That’s me. What I want to know from you, jellybeans, for a matter of my own curiosity…

Who’s your favorite superhero?

Just Another Blogger

I was interviewed by the Today show last week. It aired Tuesday morning, and both recording it and watching it back were awesome fun. The Chop is slightly in love with Syliva the reporter, which is understandable- she was gorgeous. But very tall. I felt like a midget. You can view the Today Show piece here.

I've done a fair few media bits and pieces, especially over the last twelve months. This was different though. Different, in a lovely kind of way. It wasn't so much an interview with 'the woman who talks about suicide' or the 'mum blogger whose husband died'. It was an interview with the Lori, who writes a blog called the Random Ramblings of a SAHM.

Just another blogger, telling her story, talking about random bits and pieces. And a bit of that story is that my husband passed away.

I got a comment a few weeks ago, here on my blog, that said "Lori, I have only just started following your blog and I had NO IDEA about your past".  That was pretty freaking awesome. Meg read my blog and didn't know straight away.

Doesn't seem like much, I know. But it means a great big deal. Some days I feel as if I'm drowning in myself, in what happened to me, in what I carry with me. Some days it feels like that's all this blog is about too, as if the place where I write down my soul has been as totally swallowed as the rest of me.

That comment, and that interview... they've changed the viewpoint a little. Not changed where I stand... just the way I see things.

Sometimes I write about grief. sometimes I write about death and suicide and the ugly side of people and life and humanity. But I write about other stuff here too.

I'm just another blogger. Mum, personal, whatever. Just another blogger.

It's a good place to be.

The Nature of Grief, Part One.

Grief is such a bitch. I understand it now in a way I just never could in the Before.

Tony's nan, who he loved dearly and was very close to, passed away while Tony and I were together. He mourned for her deeply and furiously. I look back now and I'm angry with myself, sad for him... I didn't understand what he was going through at all. I pushed him to get over it, get on with it...

But hindsight is twenty–twenty, as they say. Shoulda, woulda, coulda. Didn't.

My daughter, my Bump, is two and a half now and she is, for the first time, starting to realize that there is something missing here, that her family is not the ’typical’ one they describe in books, TV shows, and life in general. I'm amazed how often character families are nuclear– I had really never noticed that Before, had you asked me if there was a need for more single parent families on TV I would have said of course, there is plenty of diversity there already.

The Bump having her 'pretty hair' cut.

Things look different from the inside, always, always.

Bump has a dolls house, and is so curious as she plays– the daddy doll is the focus of everything, the game starts only when he enters the pink plastic front door, and the mother and baby freeze in tableaux again when he leaves.

She points to the sky, questioning, her face a small frown, “My daddy up there?”. And what is there to say except yes, baby, he is, but much higher than the clouds, much higher than the sky, and of course, he can't come back– always remembering to add that on, to not create false hope and fantasy expectations?

My daughter will never know her father, except for what I tell her of him. She’ll never know exactly what his voice sounded like, or how warm and safe it was to lie in his chest, or how the world looked from atop his shoulders.

Grief, it’s a bitch.

And there are all kinds of things to grieve for.

Feminity

Femininity is subjective.

I don't know why having short hair challenges it so much. I think part of it not having hair to flick around, to hide behind, to use as a fan in front of flirting eyes.

I've taken to wear bigger earring, chunkier necklaces, more makeup. I pay more attention to what I'm wearing now, it's not as acceptable to just run to the shops in my track suit pants and slippers. It's not anyone elses reactions to me– it's the way I feel about it, the way I see myself in my mind.

Everyone has a mental image of themselves, the way they see themselves. Their self image. I'm still adjusting to seeing myself with short hair. When I'm not a bit dressed up I feel... well... a bit masculine. I don't even like admitting that, it feels like another one of those anti–feminisms. But it's truth.

Faux glasses and red lippie makes me feel... a bit arty.

It certainly has its benefits. It makes me pay more attention to my general appearance, even the bits and pieces that no one else pays any attention but me. I shave my legs, do my bikini line, pluck stray hairs from my brows on a much more regular basis than I used to. With the increased focus on dressing in way that's flattering and feminine, and choosing different jewelry to wear each day; it's works subtlety on my self esteem. I find myself more confident, without hair to hide behind. I'm more certain of what I'm wearing, that it looks good, because i took a few extra minutes to choose it. I even pay more attention to my hair than I usually did when it was long– as matter of course I would throw it back in a messy ponytail, add some bobby pins to keep it out of my eyes. Now I wax it with care and am the Imelda of hats, scarves and hair bands. Ironically, it now takes me ten minutes to do my hair instead of two, because I wax it and press it down, focus on strands of it and exactly where they sit.

The image of me that rests in my head varies wildly between pretty and sparkly and spunky, to dull and chunky and masculine. Some days I feel bigger than I am, my cheeks feel over blown and chipmunk–full. But the sparkly me becomes more and more frequent as that confidence grows, flamed by the increased focus on how I look and what I'm wearing, of how much body maintenance I've done, and how that all adds up to effect how I feel.

It's so easy to be inherently feminine when my hair is long and flowing. This, struggling with it, simply makes me more aware of it. It's another bonus of that skin shedding that came with the pixie cut... the emancipation of Lori.

What Do You Really Need For A Newborn?

I wrote this article a while ago for a parenting site. It.. erm.. wasn't picked up by them. But I like it, so I'm blogging it here on RRSAHM instead. Enjoy.

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Being pregnant for the first time can be a minefield of insecurities, decisions and, potentially, shopping guilt. Entering a baby product store can be a mind blowing adventure- there are literally thousands of products to choose from, all serving a different purpose, all with different benefits. Some you need, and many you can really do without.

Shopping for your first baby is so exciting, and can be overwhelming. Do your research, talk to other parents and keep your eye out for specials. But, most importantly, don’t get duped- many baby products are total unnecessary and a huge waste of money.

Often, couples expecting their first baby are on the brink of losing one income for an indefinite amount of time, and having an extra mouth to feed- it’s probably not the time to be spending up big. Despite that, it’s easy to spend a few thousand dollars setting yourself and your baby up with products that will only be used for twelve months or so.

So, to avoid being ripped off and ending up with a growing toddler and a garage full of dusty baby products that have never really been used, follow these tips for shopping economically for a newborn.

• Have a list. And try to stick to it. Keep it handy so when friends ask what you need, you can easily let them know.

• Don’t buy until after your baby shower, if you’re having one. You’ll be amazed at how much stuff you can cross off that list after unwrapping your gifts.

• Keep it simple. I know- tiny tutus, vests, suits and shoes are super cute. But honestly, they are a pain to keep on a curly squishy tiny baby, and you won’t get much use out of them. So….

• Have a ‘fun shopping’ limit. Set yourself a limit of, say $100, depending on your budget for ‘fun stuff’. Not for practical needs, but for gorgeous clothes, sweet soft toys and maybe one or two itty bitty pairs of shoes. And a tutu.

So with those hints in mind, what is it that you really need to buy for a newborn baby? Start with these basics. Keep it simple- there’s plenty of time for over organising later.

• A car capsule. Consider hiring one of these, because you may not use it for long- but you will be grateful every time you lift the whole capsule, sleeping baby included, out of the car.

• A maxi carseat. This is for after the capsule. Research car seats well, and buy one that will last as long as possible- preferably right up until your child is of school age.

• Jumpsuits, singlets and socks. The basic newborn baby wardrobe. A safe bet for size is 000 and 00, with a handful of 0000’s thrown in in case bub is really little.

• Nappies, wipes, nappy bags and nappy cream. Unscented wipes are best for newborns, and a nappy cream that provides a barrier is essential. 

• Muslin wraps. Lots and lots of them, as big as possible. For wrapping tiny babies tight and removing tiny spew stains from your shoulder.

• Sorbolene cream. Sorbelene can replace shampoo, bath wash and baby moisturiser, all of which aren’t really necessary and can harm sensitive skin.

• A cot. A cradle or crib is smaller and less bulky, but optional- don’t spend hundreds on one when your baby will only use it for a few short months. Most babies can go straight into a cot from birth, following SIDS and Kids Guidelines.

• A good pram. If you are going to splurge on anything, make it your pram- it’s one thing you will use almost every day. Purchase one that is durable and converts from newborn (lying flat) to toddler (sitting upright). 

Save your hard earned cash, and buy minimally for a newborn. Above all, remember that a baby is a baby for only a few short months, but they’ll be a child for much, much longer- and they’ll be much more expensive.