How much is nature, and how much nurture? The Chop loves to lay and watch TV, the height of laziness being his ultimate relaxation. How much of that is because he remembers, and it brings him comfort, and how much is just because it's passed down in some strange genetic form?
There's other things too- the weak stomach and sensitivity to smells, the cheeky sense of humour. The way he sleeps- in sleep he is his father, right down to the curl of his lip pressed against the pillow.
Sometimes it's when Chop smiles, sometimes it's when he is grumpy and grits his teeth. Sometimes it's something I can't even pick- just a shadow of a movement, a memory made by muscles, a movement that makes me catch my breath.
It's torture. It's pleasure and ecstasy and love itself. It's something I better get used to. I see so much of Tony in our son, and it has diminished none since his death... it seems to increase, as he gets older.
Nature, or nurture, or whatever it is... it's a comfort, it's pain. It's my flesh and blood, and Tony's, intertwined... a kind of living, walking memory that I can hold every day.
11 comments:
Yes I know what you mean. My father has passed away, yet I can see so many likenesses in my brother. Sometimes I really want to see them because it gives me comfort, sometimes I can't bear it. T
What a handsome little fella! x
My kids are the spitting image of their father. I sympathise with how you're feeling.
The Chop sounds like he is an mazing bloke. He is going to help a lot of people in his life.
So very bittersweet x
xxx
That's a lovely post Lori. I hope you will always look at your son and remember, with a smile.
I relate to most of what you write Lori, but this one esepecially. I see my Jordan in her siblings all the time too. As time has passed, it stings less, and I smile more at it. My kids really love that connection to her, I'm sure yours will too. xx
Oh this gave me shivers. A mixed blessing to be sure, but a blessing nonetheless. Keeping you all in my thoughts, as ever.
So beautiful, heartbreaking and poignant. Thank you for sharing.
I have the same, except here it's the other way around. Our three children all looked very much like Craig. They all had his mouth and chin, and the boys had his nose too. So for months (years even) I would look at Craig and see our three kiddies. Poignant and bitter, but I still love my man.
Your children are both beautiful. And you're right, just from the few pics I've seen of Tony, Chop bears a striking resemblance to him, and Bump is mini you. Genetics are an amazing thing.
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