I've had a couple of requests to blog the speech I made at Tony's funeral. So here it is. It is probably not verbatim, because i didn't write anything down. I just spoke, and spoke the truth.
In all this fucked up mess, this is something I am proud of. I spoke, and spoke well. I did it without a script, and without anyone holding my hand.
For such a tiny chick, I kick arse.
I don't know what to say up here. I don't know what i'm doing here. But i spoke at our wedding, and I must speak now.
I was going to tell you all what a great bloke Tony was, what a great father he was, but you all already know that, or you'll hear it today. What i can tell you is that Tony was such a great husband. He loved me, and our kids, so much. He took care of us. And he was big, and strong, and protected us.
And we loved being married. We loved being husband and wife. A lot of people say it's just a piece of paper, but it's not. We were so happy to be together like that. I am so proud that he choose me to be his wife.
Tony took care of everyone. all the time. He was so busy taking care of everyone else, he didn't speak out when something ws wrong.
And this is what you can do for me, for Tony, when you leave here today. All you men, you big men. When you walk away from here, you speak. If something is wrong, if something hurts, then you talk about. Tony was so busy taking care of everyone else, he didn't care take of himself. So after this, you speak.
All you men, you think you're big and tough and strong. You're not.
And thank you all so much for coming. It makes me smile, to see how many people loved my Tony as much as I did.
110 comments:
Beautiful words, Lori.
Gorgeous, hon. From the heart and a good thing you did warning other men to be thoughtful about their own feelings. Many of them are not. xxx
Hi, less cranky girl.
You should be extraordinarily proud of those words. I suspect they will give other big men something to think about, and they will give you a sense of purpose.
xx
That is a beautiful speech. Just perfect. Thanks for the updates Lori. Take care. xxx
Lori
I came across your blog by accident through an old school friend of mine.
I too have lost my husband who I loved no correction who I love! Steve died last November and I’ve been writing my blog, since he was diagnosed with Cancer right through to today as I do my best to plod through the crap that is being a widow. I recently wrote a post about "What I’m thinking.." And your words are so close to mine.
www.wrightyway.blogspot.com
Take Care of yourself, easier said then done but as I always say Small Steps, Big Hurdles.
Love Sally - [email protected]
x x x x
Even in a time of unimaginable grief, you are still thinking of others. You are an amazing little chick Lori, and I know Tony would be so proud of you for getting up there and sharing that x
Perfect Lori, just perfect. And so many needed to hear it. xx
Wonderful. Have Goose Bumps xox
Amen to that.
For a tiny chick you do kick arse.
xxx
Wonderful words. Tony would have been so proud of you
I think that is a wonderful testament to the power of love. May you find strength and peace, solace and joy in the years ahead.
That was just the right thing to say. Excellent.
OMG, I have no idea how you did that, Lori. I'm in awe of your heart.
What beautiful words, Lori. What beautiful, powerful words.
Oh Lori... beautiful. Just absolutely beautiful. How did you do that? Incredible.
And you've always kicked arse.
xoxo
Such a beautiful speech. Thanks for sharing it x
Thankyou for sharing. They were wonderful words. You do kick arse. He'd be proud. xox
That is so beautiful, Lori. You should be proud.
Perfect, and you do rock, frick I don't think I'd be able to do it. xxoo
You absolutely did rock, I had thought you had written everything down, the fact that you hadn't & just spoke from the heart at the time just makes you even more amazing.
Just beautiful, and oh so true. <3
Awesome
x
I was there. I listened to you. You spoke the truth and it was beautiful!.
Love to you my friend.xxxx
It's ok - you can be cranky. That was beautiful and moving. I'm sure it gave some men and the women that love them something to think about. You are amazing and very brave. Your Tony sounds like he was amazing too. Thank you for sharing that.
You did really, really well:) What you said is so true, and I hope any man who heard it or reads it here, heeds it. And women too
Beautiful words x
You rock, Lori! You couldn't have said it any better!
What a great way to honour Tony, by talking so honestly about him. And I think your words to other men will have a lasting impact.
Thank you for sharing... Truly.
Brave and wonderful, I salute you.
Lori, im new to reading your blog, you are a true inspiration, the way you speak about the love for your husband is like taking a breath of air,
much love to you and your little people xx
beautiful lori. You know i was thinking about you today, there was this beautiful song at the gym and I thought of you and wanted to tell you that this is a really dark time in your life and it feels so hard, like you'll never come out of it but it can only get better from here. You will come out of this darkness one day, whenever it is, and you will be strong, you will carry tony in your heart and in your family for the rest of your life and you will find peace with this. Please don't give up, don't think you are doing this alone. You can't beat that old footprints prayer as corny as it that at the hardest times of our life there is only one set of footprints in the sand because God carries us through them. Please don't lose faith and please look for the sunshine when it's ready to shine.
I'll never forget you and your story Lori, you are going to go on and inspire other mums to turn hardship in their life into something good. I know it.
hugs, haven't stopped praying for you and your beautiful children.
Corrie:)
thank you for sharing your speech lori. I was sad I couldn't be there to hear you. hugs
There is nothing more to ad to them words except for
(((( Hugs )))) XXXX Kisses XXXX
You are amazing and brave and loving and all the other reasons that Tony loved you and that your little people are so lucky to have you. Beautiful words x
That's beautiful. I'm going to share this with my own big man. xx
Respect. What a speech! You are an amazing woman. Thinking of you every day, Lori xxx
It was perfect gorgeous! Like Sarah I couldn't believe you hadn't written it down. It was the best thing to say to all those men there. It had me bawling and bawling.
Yes you do kick ass!!
You are an amazing, strong woman. Such courage and strength xxxx
You are an incredible woman. There will be days and times you will not feel like this, but you are. xxx
You are amazing and awesome xxx
my gosh all i can saw is "wow" that speech was moving i got a shiver up my spine just reading it then xxx
Lori I read that and got goosebumps on my SCALP.
You are a kickarse chick. I like that about you.
I wish somebody had asked my father, all those years ago, if he was ok. Nobody did.
I can't wait to catch up, one time, properly.
xoxox
So perfect, and thank you for sharing. Your message has gone further now. As it should. Hugs to you. One day at a time and we're here to listen to you speak and write some more.
Lori, we lost an uncle on New Years Eve, because he didn't speak. He had a successful career, a loving partner, was raising two children, had plans for the week ahead. Then he was gone and none of us know why. Thank you for your words, I pray that they will be heard far and wide. And that men will speak.
Beautiful words, Lori. xxx
Just beautiful xoxoxo
You most certainly do kick arse! I can't even begin to imagine how you did that. But you did and sounds like you did it amazingly. xxx
What a brave, brave soul you are Lori. I've given you a stylish blogger award, not because I think for one minute you'll join in the meme (nor should you), but because you're the person I think deserves the award more than anyone else. You are one stylish lady and that is a beautiful speech. x
strong words - from a strong woman
And if you are going to such an awesome arse kicker, you might as well add eloquence, grace and insight in there for good measure. You most definitely should be proud of yourself.
You go girl - that rocked.
Such a touching speech and a very important message.
I hope many people, men AND women read this and speak, or at least get help.
It's one thing to battle alone, but sometimes we need to admit when we need a little help. Call in the favours we bid everyone else trying to run from our own demons, and let them carry us for a while.
I wish he would have. I know you would have made the world spin backwards if he needed.
Having heard most of this already i didn't think i'd cry, but i did. You were so strong to be able to get up and speak, and then to say this. To think of others in your time of grief! You are amazing. You really truly are.
You certainly do kick arse. That is an amazing speech. Thank you for sharing it. xxx
Perfect, Lori. You tell 'em.
Beautiful. Perfect. Powerful. I hope men take hede of your words. I will be getting my husband to read this
What brave and beautiful words you offered, both as a tribute and to teach. We all need to learn the lessons and truths you now know - write your story hon, we need the world to listen to you. Stay strong xx
Hit the nail on the head there Lori - men do not talk about the bad stuff they are feeling, they don't seem to have the same network as most women, they think they have to be tough and strong. I hope just one man really listened to these beautiful words, just one man who may reach out if he needs help. Think about you every day, and just wish there was something I could do to make all this better for you. xxx
I'm crying. Because it's so true. Thank you for saying it Lori. xx
A beautiful speech Lori. I hope many took your words to heart, not just men, but women too. There are many women also who don't know how to speak out when something is wrong. I'm one.
I'm showing this to my husband. Love to you, as always.
Thanks so much for sharing. I'm going to show it to my husband - he looks after everyone, works so hard, never complains.
I don't have any great advice, because I don't *know*, but I'm thinking about you and your precious little ones, and I'm listening. And you're tough and amazing and real.
Nice, no not nice..wonderful to read your mood is less cranky & that you've taken time to let people know of the love you and Tony share.
By writing about the need for BIG and little men to ADMIT they've got worries/fears/anxieties you are giving others the chance to be observant and listen for signals of depression.
Great post and a farewell love letter to Tony .xx
What strong courageous words, lot's of love and light to you and your kids.
xxx
I was there, Lori, I heard your speech & I WANTED to remember it, as you said it... I have known Tony since he was a kid. Tony had spoken to me, about you. All good, of course, he loved you so so very much! I had never met you. As soon as I heard what had happened, I felt for you! And, so, at the funeral, I was keen to see the lady who rocked Tony's world, the lady that he loved so very much...
I remember you saying that it was Tony who told you, that your marriage 'was not just a piece of paper.'
I remember when Tony posted the wedding photos on Facebook.... He was so very very proud & so very very happy....
Your speech was amazing, so heart felt & so direct. I am more than sure that you got through to the many, big, tough, strong, blokes who were there... I saw one or two of those bearded, tattoed big strong blokes, nodding their heads as you spoke....
You're a good, strong, sensitive chick!! Size has nothing to do with it!!! xxoo =-)
Love from
Inga Nielsen (Currarong Chick)
So true, Lori. About a month before Tony died a friend of mine's husband killed himself, leaving behind his wife and children. They knew he was depressed, but they thought he was dealing with it and never saw it coming.
Men are frightening because they so often don't speak up when they need help. Good on you for being brave enough to talk about that in your speech.
Wishing you nothing but good things.
Kim xx
I was there, Lori, I heard your speech & I WANTED to remember it, as you said it... I have known Tony since he was a kid. Tony had spoken to me, about you. All good, of course, he loved you so so very much! I had never met you. As soon as I heard what had happened, I felt for you! And, so, at the funeral, I was keen to see the lady who rocked Tony's world, the lady that he loved so very much...
I remember you saying that it was Tony who told you, that your marriage 'was not just a piece of paper.'
I remember when Tony posted the wedding photos on Facebook.... He was so very very proud & so very very happy....
Your speech was amazing, so heart felt & so direct. I am more than sure that you got through to the many, big, tough, strong, blokes who were there... I saw one or two of those bearded, tattoed big strong blokes, nodding their heads as you spoke....
You're a good, strong, sensitive chick!! Size has nothing to do with it!!! xxoo =-)
Love from
Inga Nielsen (Currarong Chick)
I'm sitting in front of my computer with tears in my eyes. What an amazing speech.....I am lost for words. Your strength is incredible. Thank you so much for sharing this with us.
Love, Wendy
Thank you,
I feel sure I will be directing people to read this most powerful, moving piece of truth for a long time to come.
You most definitely kick arse
Hugs Lori. You are a brave woman, i sit here with a smile over my tears. Moving words.
That's beautiful Lori. Yes, you should be proud. For so many reasons.
The world is fucked but you rock.
I haven't lost my husband my my sister lost hers in a motorbike accident whilst she was pregnant with their second child. We have both lost our parents and grandparents...its kinda hard to remember being kids. But time is a great healer. A great great healer. Thinking of you still, everyday. x
Strong words Lori, perfect words. I'm going to let my man read your words too, we need to spread the word. It can be so hard to read their signs. I can't even read my own signs some days when I've turned my back on that black dog as I so often do. Hold tight Lori. We will help spread the word to our strong men. Hugs. Alison x
Lori, your speech was amazing and you are getting through to people. Your words have made a difference if nothing else, we can all learn from this... All the best.. Hang in there and look after yourself.. You are amazingly strong.. Big hugs xxx
A beautiful, heart-felt and sooo powerful thing you did. So brave of you and so honourable. xx
Those really are great words, amazing.
You're right: we men often don't talk much, as much as we should. In future, I will; thanks
Wonderful. Not easy to get up and speak. Be proud of yourself for doing it.
I always suspected you were kick-ass. You've definitely confirmed it. Powerful words, and still thinking of others even at this tragic time - you're amazing.
Perfect, Lori. A courageous thing to do and a beautiful sentiment to share with the men in the room. I think that is a fitting tribute for your darling husband. x
Wow. Men don't do they? My husband spoke up many years and I'm ashamed to say that at first I wasn't very good about it. I didn't understand why he was depressed. He was married, had kids,had a job, had a life. But I was very ignorant to a lot of things back then. I am still ashamed and now I watch him and ask him, RUOK.
What a wonderful speech Lori.
Was just browsing the world of blogs and came across yours.
Reading your blog with tears
what a wonderful speech
sending love your way
So many people don't realise how many others actually DO care about them.
My partner has asked several times about you. He understands. He's lost many, many of those close to him, often without warning and I have no doubt that he, if not me, knows precisely what you feel. Yes, the men need to speak out and so do you. Keep writing, keep seeing the counsellors et al. We'll all listen.
My wish remains for you, simply peace. The rest will come with it.
Well said xx
Just beautiful xx
Fabulous lady, your words are powerful indeed! I am going to share them with my big man who I worry for always. Us women, we speak and I worry they think we speak enough for them.
Best speech ever! "no words" Thinking of you!
Wonderful words, straight from the heart.
I don't know how you found the strength to speak.
You are truly amazing !
very very well put - perfect words at a horrible time.
you are amazing to be able to think of others,people you might not even know, let alone care about them at this time.
millions of hugs and good thoughts
I am just so moved by your strength Lori. You found the strength to speak because you knew it needed to be said. You really 'spoke' - spoke the truth and I am sure Tony was incredibly proud of his wife.
I am reading your every post and taking it all in. Hopefully in some very small way, that helps. We've all got your back.
Love & strength x
You know what? You do rock. If you make just one other person speak out when they are in pain, or suffering, then that's a good thing.
Have been thinking of you and sending what little prayers I have up and over to you. I know that's not much, but it's a little something. I hope you are surrounded by support and good sleeping pills and allow yourself to wallow, get mad, remember fondly, get cranky all in the space of one minute. x
Abso-fucking-lutely.
I had not read your blog before, but a friend who obviously follows your blog and is a blogger herself put a link to your blog. I have no words to express how moved by your words I am. Thank you for sharing.
After reading "Speak" I have gone back and read a lot of your earlier blogs, I am so impressed by your wordcraft, you are truly gifted. I have nothing to offer but to say ditto to so many of the comments above and to add my positive energy and love your way. You have touched so many lives and continue to do so, I am in awe of your strength.
wow lori - thank you for sharing xxx
You have done well....you will come out of this Lori...keep positive..you have a lot of support around you xxx
That is so gorgeous Lori - for such a fucked up situation.
And thank you for sharing...xoxox
Just stunning Lori - both you and your speech
xxx
You are so right, Lori. That was a great speech. I wish they would speak. I wish they could be honest with themselves and with us..
I am so sorry for your loss. Thank you for posting this. I came here through the Bloggess, and I am so glad I did. My father had some mental health issues, and died as a result of his behavior related to them. Your speech truly resonated with me. Thank you.
What a wonderful person you are, thinking of others at such a time. Your family & friends are so lucky to have you x
You do kick arse hun. These words are perfect. Thank you for bringing out into the daylight these secrets that our staunch Southern men hold so tight to themselves. We must all speak about depression, something that has plagued me for over twenty years. Our Antipodean men are so compelled to be strong, I just wish it was more publically acknowledged that depression and mental illness does not make you a weak person. Thank you for sharing your epitaph for your wonderful man. These words truly honour him and your marriage. Much love xxx
We lose the good ones. Evil lives on, while the very people who, by their presence in this old world, are a deterrent to evil, to entropy, to chaos, succumb to despair.
Sometimes even the biggest and strongest of men just can't lift the heavy loads or break the rusted bolts of angst. Thank you for speaking out, and best hopes that we can get them talking and get them help.
Lori,
Jenny sent me your way. Not directly but she blogged about you. I am so sorry for your loss and I love your post here. My husband suffers from depression and I am walking on egg shells every day of my life. Thankfully I can see when things are getting bad and can get him the help he needs. The trick is keeping him on his meds but the meds work well and for that I am thankful.
Thank you for sharing your story. Thank you for sharing your thoughts. Thank you for showing me that I am not alone. Hopefully I will never have to be where you are, so long as my husband continues to speak.
Your words have deeply affected me. I wish you peace.
my heart aches for you and the little ones. I am very pissed that this is what life has dealt you. to say it beyond fucking sucks doesn't begin to cover it. I have read you for a while, and I am trying to keep reading even though it makes me very anxious, I figure I can suck that up. I am praying for your strength and peace each day. (hugs)
You've made me think. Thank you. I'm sorry you had to have the occasion to make this speech. My condolences...
Lori, I've put off reading this. There has been so much in my own life I've been hiding from, I just couldn't.
Now I have, and it gives me chills. I'm sending it to my own big strong man, because he's facing challenges, some of which I've faced and buckled under, and some that are far and beyond what challenged me.
Love you.
Trawling through your posts, you make me cry, and although I don't physically know you, my heart hurts for you. You're SO BRAVE. xx
I found you through a series of other blogs, looking for information about depression. I lost my Dad 8 years ago and I've been dealing with depression for at least that long. I'm commenting because you told me to. To speak. I wish I could make it all better for you, for your kids, for me, for my Dad's wife. Anyway, thank you for sharing yourself. You inspire me.
Your works took my breath away.
Tricia Bertram
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