… about the new movie in the Twilight saga- Eclipse (which I sneaked out to see, along with my mate Jangles, on Thursday night. No midnight premiere this time, ladies and jellyfish).
- Why do the vampires smash into silvery bits like they’re Terminator, or they’ve been dipped in liquid nitrogen? What’s with that? I don’t recall any liquid nitrogen Schwarzenegger vampires in my edition of Eclipse. Not the special movie edition, obviously (insert Lori rolling her eyes here).
- Why are vampires suddenly flammable? In the first movie, a bonfire was required to burn up the bad guy vampires In this one The Sparkly One just flicked his Zippo lighter (that all good vampires carry) onto the dead-liquid-nitrogen-head vampire and she spontaneously combusted.
- Has the vampire playing Victoria been replaced with a similar redheaded vampire? Or has she just had a nose job or lost weight or something?
- Why is Robert Patterson not so hot anymore?
- Why is the other guy getting hotter?
- Why are Kristin Stewart’s features too small for her head?
- And finally (and this bugged me ever since I read the book)- Werewolf Guy forgives Sad Moody Girl for the fact that she will inevitably be vampire-ised. Then Werewolf Guy discovers Sad Moody Girl is marrying The Sparkly One, and gets all cranky again. If she’s going to be a vampire anyway, what does it matter?? Really, Stephanie Meyer. Just, really.
I dunno, movie-goers. Breaking Dawn had better be damn good, or the Twilight franchise has officially jumped-shark with this one. A kinda sad 2 out of 5 jellybeans on the RRSAHM ranking-stuff-scale.