Now, in case you haven’t noticed from previous pics in previous posts, my darling little Bump has a birthmark. A hematoma, to be technical. And quite frankly, I get sick of people asking about it. Now, I’m not talking about kids- they are naturally curious, and, to quote Stephen King, honesty is a privilege of children that grown men must give up*.
I’m talking about the adults who choose not be grown up and tactful about it. The one’s who blurt out “What’s that thing on her head?”(See below). The ones who look at me sympathetically and say things like “There, there, dear. You can always have it removed.” (Yes, but what a pity, your face is a permanent fixture) The family members who tell me how much they hate it, because “That’s all you can see, when you look at her” (Really? you missed the big blue eyes?), and inquire as to whether we can Photoshop it out of family photos. (Ummm, no, for so many reasons. Least of all that I don’t know how to use effing Photoshop anyway).
In fact, I’m so sick of answering questions from idiots, I think I may just have some neat little A5 flyers printed. They will have this picture on one side
and the following text on the other.
Yes, it’s a birthmark.
No, it won’t get any bigger.
Yes, it will go away. By the time I turn two, apparently.
No, it doesn’t hurt.
No, it’s not cancer.
Yes, I’m sure.
No, doesn’t matter what your in-laws best friend’s god son’s birthmark turned out to be.
No, I’m pretty sure Mummy is planning not have it removed.
Yep, I’m pretty sure if I was your five month old, you’d feel the same.
*sigh*No, really, it doesn’t need to be removed.
Yes, I’m sure Mum will reconsider if it’s still there when I’m five.
No, really, it’s nice of you to offer, but if we wanted the name and number of a cosmetic surgeon I’m sure we would have asked.
OK, yep, whatever, I’ll just pop a local anesthetic in my own forehead and mum will cut it out with a butter knife.
No, I’m sure that wouldn’t leave a scar.
Here is the Wiki link for those who want some real info on hematoma (Ha! Real info! Go Wiki!).
And thanks for listening, I do feel better now.
* From Stephen King’s “Apt Pupil”, a ‘novella’ in the book Different Seasons. Probably paraphrased.